Today during US History, we were watching a documentary series. It was about Native Americans and the brutalities they suffered at the hands of Mexicans and Americans, as well as the wounds they inflicted on their enemies. My mind was not all there. At one point I could barely keep my eyes open and felt the elusive tug of a quick nap. Then I had too much energy and no way to channel it. So I grabbed a piece of blank filler paper from my binder and started scribbling. Originally I had hoped to write. I wanted words to flow out of me as easy as … something effortless. But nothing did. So I scribbled. I drew curly-cues and multiple loops inter-lapping, crossing, separating.

I’d like to think that I could pump out a good story, a good poem, a good anything at any point, no matter what. We all want to believe that we are truly capable, regardless of what situation we are or are not in. Genius does not blossom without inspiration. This, I have learned the hard way. Essays do not write themselves, talent does not necessarily present itself, and opportunities do not emerge without encouragement. As an actress, a writer, a person, I often forget these facts.

So, today during US History, I was disappointed.